


The Office

by JF224



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), Supergirl (TV 2015), The Flash (TV 2014), The Office (US)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24318868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JF224/pseuds/JF224
Summary: This is a rewrite of the Office but with Arrowverse characters and it is Supercorp and Brainia focused with many other Arrowverse ships.It will be all 9 seasons
Relationships: J'onn J'onzz/M'gann M'orzz, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak, Querl Dox/Nia Nal, Samantha "Sam" Arias/Alex Danvers, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Kudos: 30





	1. Characters

These are the basic characters there will be other characters coming soon but these are the main for this 1st season. When there is a new character they will be introduced in the beginning notes for future reference.

J'onn J'onzz as Michael Scott

Kara Danvers as Jim Halpert

Lena Luthor as Pam Beesly

Querl "Brainy" Dox as Dwight Schrute

Nia Nal as Angela Martin

(Before u come for me I am cutting out all her homophobic moments as well as everyone else)

Quentin Lance as Stanley Hudson

Cat Grant as Phyllis Lapin

Alex Danvers as Oscar Martinez (Both gay icons just saying)

Mick Rory as Kevin Malone

Rhea as Meredith Palmer

Damien Darhk as Creed Bratton

Oliver Queen as Ryan Howard

Felicity Smoak as Kelly Kapoor

Mercy Graves as Jan Levinson-Gould

Jack Spheer as Roy Anderson

James Olsen as Toby Flenderson

Sara Lance as Darryl Philbin

Zari Tarazi as Lonny Collins

Andrea Rojas as Katy (purse girl)


	2. S1E1: Pilot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Episode 1 of Season 1 of The Office. When a documentary crew arrives at the office, manager J'onn J'onzz attempts to paint a rosy picture but fails after learning the company will be downsizing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I forgot to mention was that for interviews it will be set up like this,  
> ____
> 
> "That's what she said"
> 
> ____
> 
> Maxwell Lord as Josh Porter  
> Eobard Thawne (Harrison Wells version) as Todd Packer
> 
> Also I wanna make this as close to the original as I can while cutting out any homophobic slurs and anything like that. And I am watching the episodes and going line by line and scene by scene so it will take a while for each chapter. So I am going to try my best.

The documentary starts with J'onn and Kara in his office

"All right, Kara, your quarterlies look very good. How are things going at the library?" J'onn asks Kara.

"Oh, I told you. I couldn't close it so. . ." Kara tells him disinterested.

"So you've come to the master for guidance? Is this what you're saying, Grasshopper?" He says with a small smile.

"Uh, actually, you called me in here. But, yeah."

"All right, well, let me show you how it's done." 

"Yes, I'd like to speak to your office manager, please. Yes, hello. This is J'onn J'onzz. I am the Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin paper products. Just wanted to talk to you manager a manager." He says into the phone.

"All right, done deal! Thank you very much, sir! You're a gentleman and a scholar." J'onn says excitedly with an Irish accent,

"Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. My mistake." He says hanging up the phone.

"That was a woman I was talking to. So. She had a very low voice. Probably a smoker. So... So that's the way it's done." J'onn says to Kara.

J'onn is walking into the office entry, "I've, uh, I've been at Dunder Mifflin for 12 years. The last four as regional manager. Uh, if you wanna come through here." He says to the camera crew leading them into the office.

"See, we have the entire floor. So this is my kingdom, far as the eye can see." He points at the office

"Ah, this is our receptionist Lena." J'onn says going up to the reception desk.

"Lena! Lena, Lena! Lena Luthor. Uh, Lena has been with us, um...for...forever. Right Lena?" He asks her

"Well, I don't know."

"If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple of years ago. Reow, reow." He says to the camera making a face.

"What?" 

"Uh, any messages?" He asks.

"Um...yeah. Just a fax." Lena tells him handing it over.

"Oh. Lena this is from corporate. How many times have I told you that there's a special filing cabinet for things from corporate?"

"You haven't told me-"

"It's called the wastepaper basket!" He cuts her off throwing it in the trash laughing.

"Look at that! Oh, look at that face." J'onn says pointing at her still giggling.

____

"People, say I am the best boss. They go, 'God, we've never worked in a place like this before. You're hilarious. And you get the best out of us.' Um...I think that pretty much sums it up." He says holding up a mug that says "World's Best Boss"

"I found it at Spencer Gifts." He says smiling

____

A phone rings as Brainy is getting his phone out of his draw while humming a song.

"Shall I play for you. Pa rum pa pum pum. I have no gifts for you. Pa rum pa pum pum."

While Kara is sitting at her desk with her face in her palm bored with nothing else to do.

____

"My job is to speak to clients, um, on the phone, about... us, quantities, and, uh, type of... copier paper. You know, whether we can supply it to them, whether they can, uh...pay for it. And, um..."

"I'm-I'm boring myself just talking about this." Kara says smiling to the camera.

____

"Wassuuuup?!" J'onn says to Kara and Brainy walking up to their desks.

"Wassuuuup? I still love that after seven years." Kara says back.

"Wasuuuup?" J'onn says again.

"Wasuuuup?" Brainy says back.

"Wasuuuuuuuuuup?" He says again

"Wassup?" Brainy says looking back at his phone.

"Oh, wow. What?" J'onn asks Kara

"Nothin'" She replies.

"Okay, all right. See you later." J'onn says to them.

"All right. Take care." Kara says to him as he walks back toward his office.

"Back to work!"

Mercy Graves-Gould, J'onn's superior, walks into the office on the phone. Walking towards Lena's desk.

"Just try to reach him sometime today. Um, I don't know, just before lunch. That would be great."

____

"Corporate really doesn't interfere with me at all. Um, Mercy Graves-Gould."

____

"Mercy! Hello!" J'onn greets her.

____

"I call her Hilary Rodham Clinton. Right? Not to her face, because, uh-. Well, not because I'm scared of her. Because I'm not. But, um, yeah."

____

"All right, was there anything you wanted to add to the agenda?" Mercy asks J'onn as Lena takes notes.

"Mmm...me no get an agenda." J'onn says confused.

"I'm sor-What? Im sorry?" Mercy asks not fully hearing him.

"I didn't get any agenda." He tells her

"Well, I faxed one over to you this morning." She informs him.

"Really? 'Cause it didn't, uh, I didn't-Did we get a fax this morning?" J'onn asks Lena turning to her.

"Uh, yeah, the one-" Lena says pointing towards her desk outside his office

"Then why-why isn't it in my hand? Because a company runs on efficiency of communication." He says to Mercy.

"Right? Just...Um, so what's the problem, Lena? Why didn't, uh, why didn't I get it?"

"You put it in the garbage can that was a special filing cabinet." Lena tells him.

"Yeah! Uh, that was a joke. That was a joke that, uh, was actually my brother's. And it was it was supposed to be with bills, and it doesn't work great with faxes-" 

"Do you wanna look at mine?" Mercy interrupts him, handing it over clearly annoyed.

"Yeah. Yeah, I would. Thank you." J'onn says taking it from her

"Okay, since the last meeting, Alan and the board have decided that we can't justify a Scranton branch and a Stanford branch." Mercy informs them.

"Oh, okay."

"J'onn, don't panic-"

"No, no, no, no. This is good. This is go. This is fine, excellent."

"J'onn, listen, okay, don't panic."

"Although alarm bells are kinda going ringy dingy dingy!"

"We haven't made any decisions yet. I've spoken to Maxwell in Stanford. I've told him the same as you, and it's up to either you or him to convince me that your branch can incorporate the other." Mercy explains to J'onn.

"Okay, no problem."

"This does, however, mean that there's going to be downsizing." She tells him.

"Me no wanna hear that, Mercy. Because downsizing is a bitch. It is a real bitch. And I wouldn't wish that on Max's men. I certainly wouldn't wish it on my men. Or women, present company excluded." He then taps Mercy's knee making Lena's eyes widen a bit.

"Sorry, uh...Is Max concerned about downsizing, himself? Not downsizing himself, but is he concerned about downsizing?" J'onn asks Mercy

________

It cuts to Brainy behind Kara on her left side, then tapping her right shoulder as she looks that way.

"Ha ha ha ha!"

________

"Question: How long do we have to act-" J'onn is cut of by the phone ringing.

"Oh, Eb Thawne. Terrific rep. Do you mind if I take it?"

"Go right ahead." Mercy tells him as he answers the phone putting it on speaker.

"Thawneman." J'onn says as he answers."

"Hey, you big bitch!" Thawne says back.

"Oh, that's not...appropriate." J'onn says.

"Hey, is old Godzillary coming in today?" Eobard says clearing talking about Mercy.

"Um, I don't know. I don't know what you mean." J'onn tells him trying to stop the conversation from going there.

"Look, I've been meaning to ask her one question. Does the carpet match the drapes?"

"Oh, my god." J'onn says as he hangs up the phone.

"Ohh! That's horrifying. And horrible. Horrible person." J'onn says as all 3 of them sit there awkwardly.

"So do you think we could keep a lid on this for now? I don't wanna worry people unnecessarily." Mercy tells both J'onn and Lena.

"No, absolutely. Under this regime, it will not leave this office." J'onn tells her.

"Just...like that." J'onn says pretending to zip shut his lips.

________

"So what does downsizing actually mean?" Cat asks Quentin whispering to him.

"Well..." He starts

It cuts to Cat, Quentin and Alex in the kitchen.

"You guys gotta update your resumes, just like I'm doing." Alex whispers to both of them

Then cuts to Nia and Mick talking.

"I bet it's gonna be me. It's probably gonna be me." Nia tells him.

"Yeah, it'll be you." Mick tells her.

Then cuts to Lena sitting at her desk and Kara leaning on it as they talk.

"I have an important question for you." Lena tells her,

"Yes?"

"Um, are you going to Nia's cat party on Sunday?" Lena asks her starting to laugh.

"Yeah. Stop. That is ridiculous."

____

"Am I gonna tell them? No, I'm not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that." J'onn tells the camera crew.

"As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer."

____

"Hey!" J'onn says walking out of his office.

"Hey!" Oliver answers back,

"This is Mr. J'onzz." Lena tells Oliver.

”Guilty! Guilty as charged.” J’onn says shaking his hand,

”Oliver Queen from the temp agency.” Oliver tells him.

”Uh-huh." J'onn replies back,

"Daniqua sent me down to start today." He tells J'onn. 

"Queen, like the band Queen?." J'onn asks,

"Yup."

"Watch this, this is Queen." J'onn then starts saying, "We Will Rock You" in an over the top British accent.

"Ha ha! Ah, right here. Queen." J'onn says giving Oliver a high five.

"Oh, Lena. It's a guy thing Lena." J'onn says to Lena who is looking at their exchange.

"I'm sort of a student of comedy. Watch this." He tells Oliver as he grabs the reception nameplate. Then he starts holding it in front of his mouth with his hand raised. Shouting gibberish pretending to be Hitler.

"I'm Hitler! Adolf Hitler." He tells everyone before continuing.

____

"I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go," Lena tells the camera crew.

"Because then I might- I just, I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist. Um, I like engineering. Building little devices and gadgets when I can. And programming things as well. Usually little small things. Um... Kara thinks they're pretty cool."

____

"Dunder Mifflin, this is Lena."

________

"Sure. Uh, Mr. Davis, let me call you right back. Yeah, something just came up. Two minutes. Thank you very much." Kara says hanging up then looking at Brainy who is pushing all of her stuff that's overlapping off his desk.

"Brainy, what are you doing?" Kara asks him.

"What?"

"What are you doing?" She asks him again.

"Just clearing my desk. I can't concentrate." He tells her,

"It's not on your desk."

"It's overlapping. It's all spilling over the edge. One word, two syllables: demarcation."

It then cuts to Kara sticking pencils point side up between their desks as a barrier.

"You can't do that." Brainy tells her sitting down and putting down his coffee.

"Why not?" She asks him, 

"Safety violation. I could fall and pierce...an organ." He tells her.

"We'll see." Kara tells him crossing her fingers,

Brainy then grabs his desk phone and starts hitting the pencils making them drop in between the gap between their desks.

"See, this is why the whole downsizing thing just doesn't bother me." Kara says to the camera.

"Downsizing?" Brainy asks stopping.

____

"Downsizing? Yeah, I have no problem with that." Brainy tells the camera,

"I have been recommending downsizing since I first got here. I even brought it up in my interview." He tells them.

"I say bring it on."

____

"You just still have these messages from yesterday." Lena tells J'onn

"Relax, everything's under control." J'onn tells her,

"Uh, yeah, uh, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's important. Rrrright. Oh this is so important I should run to answer it." J'onn tells Lena going through the messages.

"Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!" J'onn repeats while moving slowly towards his office.

While the camera moves to Lena who puts her head in her hand in defeat. And J'onn keeps looking back at her.

"What?" She finally asks,

"Come on! 'Six Million Dollar Man'! Steve Austin!" J'onn tells Lena.

"Actually, that would be a good salary for me, don't you think? $6 million? Memo to Jan: I deserve a raise." J'onn says,

"Don't we all?" Lena replies.

"Im sorry?" J'onn asks,

"It's nothing." She replies.

"If you're unhappy with your compensation, maybe you should take it up with H.R. Okay? Not today, okay? Lena, just...be professional." J'onn tells her then walks back to his office.

____

"I think I'm a role model here. I think I garner people's respect." J'onn says to the camera.

____

"Attention all Dunder Mifflin employees, please. We have a meeting in the conference room A.S.A.P." J'onn tells everyone.

____

"People I respect, heroes of mine, would be...Bob Hope. Um...Abraham Lincoln. Definitely. Bono. Uh, and probably God...would be the 4th one." J'onn says

"And I just think all those people really helped the world in so many ways that it's um... it's really beyond words."

"It's really incalcalacable." Says J'onn mispronouncing the last word.

____

"Now, I know there are some rumors out there, and I kinda wanna set the record straight-" 

"Ah ah ah. I'm Assistant Regional Manager. I should know first." Brainy says cutting off J'onn,

"Assistant to the Regional Manager." J'onn corrects him with a smile.

"Yeah. Okay, um, can you just tell me, please? Just tell me quietly. Whisper it in my ear." Brainy asks,

"I'm just about to tell everyone." J'onn tells him.

"Can you just tell us." Alex asks,

"Please! Okay? Do you want me to tell them?" Brainy asks J'onn.

"You don't know what it is." J'onn tells Brainy,

"Okay, you tell them. With my permission." Brainy tells J'onn.

"I don't need-"

"Permission granted. Go ahead." Brainy tells him,

"Corporate has deemed it appropriate to enforce an ultimatum upon me. And, uh, Mercy is thinking about downsizing either the Stanford branch or this branch."

"I heard they might be closing this branch down." Oliver says into the phone, 

"That's just...That's just a rumor going around. This is my first day. I don't really know."

"Yeah, but, J'onn, what if they downsize here?" Alex asks J'onn, 

"Not gonna happen." J'onn tells her.

"It could be out of your hands, J'onn." Quentin tells him,

"It won't be out of my hands, Quentin, okay? I promise you that." J'onn tells him.

"Oh, can you promise that?" Quentin asks,

"On his mother's grave." Brainy tells Quentin.

"Well...No! Well, yeah, it is a promise. And, frankly, I'm a little bit insulted that you have to keep asking about it." J'onn tells Quentin,

"It's just that we need to know." Quentin tells him.

"I-I know. Hold on a second. I think Lena wanted to say something. Lena, you, uh...had a look that you wanted to ask a question just now." J'onn says to her,

"I was in the meeting with Mercy, and she did say that it could be this branch that gets the axe."

"Are you sure about that?" Alex asks her.

"Look, Lena...Uh, maybe you should stick to the ongoing confidentiality agreement of meetings." J'onn tells her.

"Lena, information is power." Brainy informs her,

"So you can't say for sure whether it's gonna be us or them, can you?" Quentin asks J'onn. 

"No, no, no, no. Quentin, no. You did not see me in there with her. I said if, uh, if corporate wants to come in here and interfere, then they're gonna have to go through me. Right? You know, you can go mess with Max's people. But I'm the head of this family, and you ain't gonna be messin' with my chillun'."

____

"If I left, what would I do with...all this useless information in my head?" Kara tells the camera,

"You know? Tonnage price of manila folders? Um, Lena's favorite flavor of yogurt, which is mixed berry."

"Kara said mixed berries? Oh, well, yeah, she's on to me. Um..." Lena can't finish her sentence before giggling.

____

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch out for this guy." J'onn says gesturing to Brainy introducing Oliver to everyone in the office.

"Querl Dox in the building. But everyone just calls him Brainy because of his huge brain. This is Oliver, the new temp." J'onn says introducing them, 

"What's up?"

"Nice to meet you." Oliver says offering a handshake.

"Introduce yourself. Be polite." J'onn tells Brainy.

"Uh, Querl Dox, Assistant Regional Manager." Brainy tells him returning the handshake.

"Assistant to the Regional Manager." J'onn corrects him again,

"So, uh, Brainy, tell him about the Kung Fu and the car and everything." J'onn tells Brainy.

"Uh, yeah, I got a '78 280Z. I bought it for 1,200, fixed it up. It's now worth 3 grand." Brainy tells Oliver.

"That is his profit." 

"Yeah, uh, new engine, suspension. I got a respray. I got some photos." Brainy tells Oliver reaching over to open his desk drawer.

"Oh! Damn it! Kara!" Brainy says angrily, 

"Hold on, hold on. Judge is in session. What is the problem here?" J'onn asks Brainy.

"She put my stuff in Jell-O again!" Brainy says angrily putting the plate of Jell-O with his stapler in it on his desk.

Making Lena burst out laughing and Kara to get a small smirk on her face. 

"That's real professional. Thanks. This is the third time, and it wasn't funny the first two times either, Kara!" 

____

"It's okay here. Uh, but people sometimes take advantage because it's so relaxed." Brainy tells the camera.

"I'm a volunteer sheriff's deputy on the weekends. And you cannot screw around there. It's sort of one of the rules."

____

"What is that?" J'onn says while laughing and pointing at the stapler in Jell-O.

"That's my stapler." Brainy tells him reaching to take it out,

"No, no! Do not take it out. You have to eat it out of there, because there are starving people in the world, and, which I hate," J'onn says the last part to the camera.

"and it is a waste of that kind of food." J'onn says.

"You know what? You can be a witness." Brainy says pointing at Oliver,

"Can you reprimand her, please?" Brainy says to J'onn.

"How do you know it was me?" Kara says acting dumb through a mouth full of red Jell-O.  
  


"It's always you. Are you gonna discipline her or not?" Brainy asks J'onn, 

"Ooh, discipline, kinky! All right, here's the deal, you guys. The thing about a practical joke is that you have to know when to start as well as when to stop. And, yeah, Kara, now is the time to stop putting Brainy's personal effects into Jell-O."

"Okay. Brainy, I'm sorry because...I have always been your biggest flan." Kara says causing J'onn to burst out laughing. 

"Ho ho ho, nice! That's that way it is around here. It just kind of goes round and round and round." J'onn says,

"You, uh, you should have put him in 'custard.'" Oliver says to J'onn.

"Oh, hey! Yes! New guy! And he scores." J'onn says with a smile.

"Okay, that's great. I guess what I'm most concerned with is damage to company property. That's all." Brainy says,

"Pudding. Putting. I'm trying to think what other dessert to do."

It then cuts to Kara leaning on Lena's desk as they talk.

"Do you like going out at the end of the week for a drink?" Kara asks Lena, 

"Yeah." Lena replies.

"Well, that's why we're all going out. So that we can have an end-of-the-week drink." Kara tells her,

"So when are we going out?" Lena asks her.

"I don't know. Tonight, hopefully." Kara tells Lena,

"Okay, yeah." Lena agrees.

Kara then sits up as Jack, Lena's fiance that works in the warehouse walks through the door.

"Hey, Kara." Jack says to her,

"What's going on?" Kara asks.

"Hey!" Lena says to Jack not expecting him.

"Hi, baby."

"Hey."

____

"Uh, Jack is my fiance. We've been engaged about, um...about 3 years." Lena tells the camera. 

"And, uh, we were supposed to get married in September, but I think we're gonna get married in the spring."

____

"Do you mind if I go out for a drink with these guys?" Lena asks Jack,

"Uh, no, no, come on. Let's get out of here, go home." Jack tells Lena.

"Okay, um, I'm gonna be a few minutes though. It's only 20 past 5:00. I still have to do my faxes." Lena tells him as she gets up to do them and Kara and Jack just stand there awkwardly. 

"You know what? You should come with us. Because, you know, we're all going out, and it could be a good chance for you to...see what people are like outside of the office. You know, I think it could be fun." Kara tells Jack. 

"No, it sounds good. Seriously, we gotta get going." Jack tells her.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Kara agrees as they sit there awkwardly again. 

"Um...what's in the-what's in the bag?" Kara asks trying to make conversation.

"Just tell her I'll meet her in the car later." Jack tells Kara,

"No, definitely. All right, dude, awesome. Will do." Kara says as Jack leaves.

____

"Do I think I'll be invited to the wedding?" Kara repeats the question to the camera.

She thinks about it for a second then looks at the camera not knowing what to say.

____

"So, uh, have you felt a vibe yet?" J'onn asks Oliver as they sit in his office,

"We work hard, we play hard. Sometimes we play hard when we should be working hard. Right? Um, I guess the atmosphere that I've created here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second. Probably, uh-" J'onn is interrupted by a knock on his office door. 

"Entertainer third. Just a second! Right?" J'onn says to Oliver,

"Oh, hey, do you, uh, do you like 'The Jamie Kennedy Experiment'?" J'onn asks Oliver.

"Yeah."

"'Punk'd' and all that kind of stuff? Okay, um...you are gonna be my accomplice. Just go along with it, okay?" 

"All right."

"Just follow my lead. Don't pimp me, all right? Come in!" J'onn yells,

"So, uh, corporate just said that I don't want to-" J'onn starts saying.

"You got a fax." Lena tells J'onn handing it to him, 

"Oh, thank you, Lena. Lena, can you come here for a sec? Just have a seat." 

Lena walks in closing the door and sitting down next to J'onn,

"I was gonna call you in anyway. Um, you know Oliver. Um, as you know, there's going to be downsizing. And you have made my life so much easier in that I am going to have to let you go first." J'onn tells her.

"What? Why?" Lena asks him worried,

"Why? Well, theft. And stealing." J'onn tells Lena.

"Stealing?" She asks confused.

"Mm-hmm." J'onn confirms,

"Um, what am I supposed to have stolen?" Lena asks him.

"Post-it notes." J'onn tells her.

"Post-it notes?"

"Yeah."

"What are those worth, like, 50 cents?"

"50 cents, yeah. You steal 1,000 Post-It notes at 50 cents apiece, and, you know, you've made a profit...margin. You know, gonna run us out of business, Lena." J'onn tells Lena.

"Are you serious?" Lena asks him. 

"Yeah, I, um..." J'onn says nodding his head

"Oh, my-I can't believe this. I mean, I've never even stolen as much as a paper clip and now you're firing me." Lena tells him,

"And the best thing about it is that, uh, we're not gonna have to give you any severance pay. Because that is gross misconduct, and, uh...So just clean out your desk. I'm sorry." J'onn tells her trying not to laugh. 

Lena then starts to cry which starts to make J'onn uncomfortable realizing he brought the joke too far. 

"You've been 'Xed,' punk! Surprise! It's a joke! We were joking around! See? Okay, he was in on it." J'onn says pointing at Oliver who's head is down while he shakes it.

"He was my accomplice. And it was just kind of a morale booster thing. And we were showing the new guy around, kind of-kind of giving him the feel of the place. So you sh-God, you were-We totally got you-" J'onn says,

"You're a jerk!" Lena yells at him, starting to leave the room.

"Ah, I don't know about that." J'onn says as Lena slams the door.

____

"What is the most important thing for a company? Is it the cash flow? Is it the inventory? Nuh-uh. It's the people. The people." J'onn says to the camera,

"My proudest moment here was not when I increased profits by 17%. Or when I cut expenses without losing a single employee. No, no, no, no, no. It was a young Guatemalan guy. First job in the country, barely spoke English. Came to me and said,

'Mr. J'onzz, would you be the godfather of my child?'

Wow. Wow.

Wow. 

Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked."

____

It cuts to Lena walking out of the bathroom with a tissue over her nose and still sniffling a little,

"Hey." Lena says to Kara still at her desk. 

"Hey." Kara says back turning around in her desk chair quickly.

"Hi." Lena says again,

"How are you?" Kara asks her.

"Good. I thought you were going out for a drink with-" Lena says,

"Oh, no, no. Just going to uh...How's your headache?" Kara asks Lena. 

"It's better. Thanks."

"Good. Good, that's great." Kara tells her,

"Is, uh-"

"Yeah?"

"Um, are you, uh..." Lena not being able to think about what she was gonna ask.

"Am I walking out?" Kara finishes for her with a small smile,

"Yes." Lena tells her,

"Yes. Do you wanna?" Kara asks gesturing to the door.

"Yeah."

"Great. Let me just-" Kara is interrupted by Jack's car horn honking a bunch of times,

"Oh, Jack." Kara says,

"Yeah. Listen, have a nice weekend." Lena tells Kara walking over to get her coat and starting to walk out.

"Yeah, definitely. You too. Enjoy it." Kara tells her giving Lena a small wave before she closes the door.

Kara then grabs something from under her desk that's covered with a cloth. And starts walking towards J'onn's office.

"Uh...you know what? Just come here." Kara tells the camera crew gesturing to his office. 

Kara then walks into J'onn's office as the crew follows setting it down on his desk and taking off the cloth.

Revealing his 'World's Best Boss' mug encased in yellow Jell-O like Brainy's stapler.


	3. PSA

With everything that’s going on in the world right now I have decided to skip the next episode entirely. I’m not going to do that episode only because of what’s it’s about and it wouldn’t be right for me to write or post anything about that so wanted you guys to know that I am skipping that episode and moving on to the next.

It is utterly horrifying that we live in a world where this happens. It has been going on for centuries, and it’s gotten worse than better. It’s unfair for anyone to have more power over someone because of their job, race, gender or sexuality. Or for anyone to exploit that power.

If you can, try to donate to the causes trying to stop all of this. If you can’t still call and text because this is bullshit that needs to be fixed.

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co


	4. S1E3: Health Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Episode 3 of Season 1 of The Office. After Brainy gets the authority to choose a health plan for everyone, the power quickly goes to his head, infuriating his co-workers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also bc I didn't know if I should do National City, Star City or Central City I am just gonna make it take place in Scranton to make it easier.

The episode starts with J'onn walking up to Lena's desk.

"Lena! Lena, Lena-a-lana-ding-dong. Making copies." He says as he taps on the front of the desk.

"I'm not making any copies." Lena tells J'onn,

"Let's go! Messages, stat. Lots to do, lots to do. Information superhighway." J'onn tells her trying to act very productive,

"Nothing new."

"Lay them on moi. What?" J'onn asks her,

"There's nothing new." Lena tells him.

"That's not what you said earlier."

"Oh, do you want me to repeat the messages that I gave you before for the. . ." Lena tells him as she looks at and nods her head a little to the camera.

As J'onn just look at her awkwardly.

\----

"The most sacred thing I do is care. And provide for my workers-my family." J'onn says to the camera,

"I give them money, I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I. . .heal them. Today I am in charge of picking a great new healthcare plan." He tells the camera picking up one of the books with the plans.

"All right? That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um. . . Yes." J'onn says smiling at the camera,

"Yeah, like a specialist."

\----

"So which health plan have you decided on?" Mercy asks J'onn opening up her folder.

"I am going to go with the best, Mercy. I am going to go with the one with the acupuncture, therapeutic massage... You know, the works." J'onn tells her,

"Wait, acupuncture?" Mercy asks him confused,

"Mm-hmm." 

  
"None of the plans have acupuncture. Have you looked at them closely J'onn?" Mercy asks him.

"Oh, well, I think it was you who didn't look closely enough at the Gold Plan." He tells her,

"The Gold Plan?"

"Yep."

"I'm not even on that plan." Mercy tells him.

"Well, I'd recommend it. It's very good." J'onn tells Mercy,

"You gotta crack these things open." J'onn says with a smile, flipping through them.

"You know, the whole reason that we're doing this is to save money. So. . . you just need to pick a provider, and then choose the cheapest plan." Mercy informs him.

"Well, that is kind of a tough assignment. Um, it's not gonna be a popular decision around the old orifice."

"It's your job, so. . ."

"I-well, it's a suicide mission, you know?" J'onn says,

"J'onn-"

"I-I don't-"

"Uh, maybe, I mean. You know sometimes a manager, like yourself, has to deliver the bad news to the employees. I do it all the time." Mercy tells J'onn.

"Oh, pfff, when have you ever done that?" J'onn asks clearlty upset,

"I'm doing it right now. To you." Mercy tells him.

\--------

Kara is leaning on Lena's desk talking to her,

"Last night on 'Trading Spouses,' there's-have you seen it?" Kara asks her.

"No, I have a life." Lena tells her jokingly.

"Interesting. What's that like?" Kara asks her pretending to be serious.

"You should try it some time." Lena tells her with a smile,

"Wow. But then who would watch my TV? That's sort of like a-"

"K-Dog!"J'onn exclaims cutting Kara off,

"Ha ha ha. Ah." J'onn says annoyed.

\--------

Kara and J'onn are now talking in his office.

"There's a decision that needs to be made. And I'm having an unbelievably busy day. Um, so I am going to let you pick a healthcare plan for our office and then explain it to your coworkers." J'onn tells her,

"Gosh." Kara says giving a nervous chuckle,

"Yeah!"

"That is a great offer. Thank you. I really think I should be concentrating on sales." Kara tells him,

"Really?" 

"Yeah. I just don't think that this is the kind of task that I. . .am going to do." Kara tells him trying to get out of it.

"You know who would be great for this?" Kara tells him.

\----

Anytime J'onn asks me to do anything, I just tell him that Brainy should do it." Kara tells the camera.

\----

"Yes! I can do it. I'm your man." Brainy tells J'onn picking up all the healthcare books.

\----

"Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, then this would be my career." Kara tells the camera with a little chuckle

"And uh. . .Well, if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train."

\----

"Okay, first, let's go over some parameters. How many people can I fire?" Brainy ask J'onn.

"Uh. . .none. You're picking a healthcare plan." J'onn tells him,

"Okay, we'll table that for the time being. Two, I'm gonna need an office. I think the conference room should be fine." Brainy tells J'onn.

"You can use the conference room as a temporary workspace."

"Yes! I have an office. Bigger than his." Brainy whispers the last part to the camera.

"No! You cannot use it." J'onn tells Brainy,

"Okay, I take it back. It's a workspace." Brainy says.

"Temporary workspace. You can use it." J'onn tells him,

"Thank you."

\----

"If Brainy fails, then that is strike two. And good for me, for, uh, for giving him a second chance." J'onn tells the camera,

"And if he succeeds, then, you know, no one'll be prouder than I am. I groomed him. I made him what he is today. Unless he fails. And, uh. . .talked about that already."

\----

Brainy is handing a memo out to everyone about the new healthcare plan.

\----

"What did I do? I did my job. I slashed benefits to the bone. I saved this company money." Brainy says to the camera,

"Was I too harsh? Maybe. I don't believe in coddling people. In the wild, there is no healthcare. In the wild, healthcare is: Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. And I'm dead. Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead." Brainy tells the camera with a straight face.

\----

"There's no dental, there's no vision, there's a $1,200 deductible." Quentin tells Mick as they are looking at the healthcare plan.

\--------

"Dunder-Mifflin, this is Lena." Lena says answering the phone,

"Lena, J'onn J'onzz. How's tricks?" He asks her,

"Where are you?"

"Oh, I am in my office. I am swamped. I have work up to my ears. I'm busy, busy, busy. Busy, can't step away. I just wanted to check in and see how everybody's doing. Everybody cool out there?"

"Um, actually, people are really unhappy. Um, Brainy sent around this memo, and-"

"Oh, Lena, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,-I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I-I-I gotta go. I'm gettin' a call." J'onn tells her, 

"No, you're not." Lena says looking at the phone seeing no in-coming calls.

"I have to make a call after I finish my work. You know what. Um. . .just don't let anybody in my office under any conditions today. I'm just too busy, too swamped, you know? I am unreachable. I am incommunicado, capisce?" J'onn asks her.

"Okay."

"Thank you. Oh-here we go again. Gotta go. I have to take this." J'onn says,

"Still no one calling." Lena says to him. 

Then J'onn hangs up the phone.

\--------

Kara and Lena start walking into the conference room where Brainy is.

"Uh Brainy-" Lena starts,

"Uh, knock. Please. Please knock. This is an office." Brainy tells them.

"It says 'workspace'." Kara points out.

"Same thing." Brainy tells her.

"If it's the same thing, then why did you write 'workspace'?" She asks him,

"Just knock, please, okay? A sign of respect for your superior." Brainy tells them,

"You are not my superior." Kara tells him,

"Oh, gee, then why do I have an office?" Brainy asks her.

"I thought it was a workspace, Brainy." Kara tells him,

"Okay. Brainy, are you really in charge of picking a healthcare plan?" Lena asks him interrupting their little bickering.

"Yes, and my decision is final." He tells her,

"This is a ridiculously awful plan, because you cut everything." Lena tells him,

"Oh, times are tough, Lena. Deal with it." Brainy says,

"You cut more than you had to. Didn't you?" Kara says to Brainy.

"Sure."

"Well, why did you do that? You work here. Don't you want good insurance?" Kara asks him,

"Don't need it. Never been sick. Perfect immune system." Brainy tells them.

"Okay, well if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies." Kara tells him,

"I don't need them. Superior genes. I'm a Dox. And superior brain power. Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will." Brainy tells them,

"Why would you wanna raise your cholesterol?" Lena asks him.

"So I can lower it." 

________

"He literally won't come out of his office." Alex says to Mick, 

"He's got to come out at sometime. To go to the bathroom." Mick says giggling.

"Mick. That's inappropriate." Nia says,

________

Rhea and Alex are waiting outside of the men's bathroom for J'onn to come out.

"J'onn, can I talk to you?" Alex asks when he walks out of the bathroom.

"Uh, uh, I would love to, but I am really busy. Rain check?" He says walking back towards his office.

"Uh, J'onn? J'onn, please. Can we talk to you about this memo?" Rhea asks as everyone gets up and comes closer to J'onn.

"Uh, what-which, uh, which memo?" J'onn asks,

"Brainy's healthcare memo. I told you about it." Lena tells him,

"Is it a good plan?" J'onn asks everyone.

"It's a great plan. Saves the company a fortune." Brainy says walking out of the conference room. 

"It's like a pay decrease." Alex tells J'onn,

"J'onn, he made huge cuts." Lena tells him.

"Cuts? What? Wow, Brainy, did you make cuts?" J'onn asks,

"Yeah. You said to go out and trim-"

"No, no, no, no, no. You know what? I said nothing specific, because I was so busy." J'onn says lying.

"Why don't you go in there, Brainy, and find these people a plan that'll work for them, okay?" J'onn tells him,

"I can handle it." Brainy says,

"Okay? All right. Everybody feel good? All right. Good. Plus, there's some other good news. Today, at the end of the day, I will have, for all of you, a big surprise. Okay? So hang in there. And I will see you at the end of the day. All right?" J'onn says before going back into his office. 

"This is not good." Alex says to Nia as they are going back to their desks, 

"It's ridiculous. Did you talk to him?" Nia asks her.

"What was that?" Alex tells her gesturing to the whole 'talk' they all had.

"You let him walk all over you." Nia says to her.

____

"Do I know what the surprise is? Hell, no! Doesn't matter." J'onn says to the camera,

"The point is they're not unhappy anymore. They're out there thinking, 'Wow, my boss really cares about me. He has a surprise. He's cool. Hey, what a great guy. I love him. I. . .love him'"

____

"Okay, everyone, gather 'round. Step forward." Brainy says to everyone walking out of the conference room. 

But no one gets up but just turns their chairs.

"It has been brought to my attention that some of you are unhappy with my plan. So what I'd like you to do is to fill this out," Brainy says lifting up a form to fill out.

"and write down any diseases you have that you might want covered, and I'll see what I can do." He says to everyone,

"Hey, you know what, Brainy? We can't write our diseases down for you, because that's confidential." Kara says to him,

"Okay. Well, I didn't say to write your name down, did I? Fill it out, leave it anonymous. Or don't write any disease down at all, and it won't be covered. Sound fair? Good." Brainy says placing the forms down.

"All right, I'll be in my office." Brainy says walking back to the conference room. 

"Workspace." Kara says before Brainy closes the door.

_______

You know what? Come with me." J'onn says to the camera crew in his office picking up his keys.

"We are going on a little mission. Operation Surprise." He tells them before leaving his office.

"Where are you going?" Lena asks J'onn as he is walking towards the coat rack,

"Um. . .headed out, part of my busy day. You know, meetings." He tells her before grabbing his coat and leaving. 

________

It cuts to J'onn at a Travel Agency talking to one of the travel agents.

"So basically, I want to do something nice for my employees. Atlantic City, okay?" He tells the agent,

"They have this thing where they send a bus, right, for free. Picks everybody up, you head down there, get to the hotel, room is comped, and they give you a big pile of chips. And your food, everything, just kind of all inclusive free kind of weekend."J'onn explains to him,

"I don't know of anything like that. But, um, you know what you might want to do is just call those casinos directly, uh, maybe-" He starts to explain to J'onn,

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I did. So." J'onn tells him.

________

Kara is leaning on Lena's desk as they are filling out the forms from Brainy.

"Wait, what are you writing? Don't write 'Ebola' or 'mad cow disease'. All right?" Kara tells Lena,

"'Cause I'm suffering from both of them." Kara says laughing lifting up her form with all of the diseases circled and adding more. Making Lena laugh too.

"I'm inventing new diseases." Lena tells her while laughing,

"Oh, great." Kara says putting her pen down,

"So, like, let's say that my teeth turn to liquid. And then they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that?" Lena asks Kara,

"I thought you said you were inventing diseases. That's spontaneous dento-hydroplosion." Kara tells her with a straight face.

"Nice." Lena says with a smile starting to write it down,

"Thank you."

________

J'onn is now in his car on the phone,

"Calling to ask you a little favorooni, my friend. Um, trying to give the troops around here a little bit of a boost. And I was thinking that maybe we could take 'em down to take a spin on your big ride." J'onn says into the phone holding up a flyer for the, 'Lackawanna Coal Mine'

"You mean the elevator that takes you down into the mineshaft? It's not really a ride." The worker replies from the phone,

"Uh, it says here that it's a-a 300 foot drop." J'onn says opening the flyer.

"Well, it goes 300 feet in the earth, but it moves really slowly." The worker tells him,

"So it's not a free fall?" J'onn asks,

"It's an industrial coal elevator."

"Uh. . .All right, well, once you get down into the mine, what do you-you got laser tag or something?" J'onn asks him. 

____

"Okay, okay, so I don't know what the surprise is." J'onn tells the camera,

"Am I worried? No. No way. And see, I thrive on this. This is my world. This is improv. This is 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?'" 

____

"Damn it!" Brainy yells in anger looking at Kara and Lena's forms,

"All right. Who did this?" Brainy asks coming out of the conference room.

"I'm not mad, I just want to know who did it, so I can punish them." Brainy tells everyone. 

"What are you talking about?" Kara asks playing dumb, from Lena's desk,

"Uh, someone, uh, forged medical information, and that is a felony." Brainy says to everyone,

"Okay, whoa. All right, 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?" Kara asks him.

"Uh, leprosy. Flesh-eating bacteria. Hot dog fingers." Brainy starts listing making everyone start laughing to themselves.

"Government-created killer nano-robot infection. You did this, didn't you?" Brainy says turning to Kara,

"Absolutely not." She replies,

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't."

"I know it was you. Okay fine. You know what? I'm gonna have to interview each and every one of you until the perpetrator makes him or herself known. And until that time, there will be no healthcare coverage for anyone!" He says angrily before going back into the conference room. 

"Killer nano-robots?" Kara asks Lena with a smile,

"It's an epidemic." Lena tells her.

________

Brainy is now interviewing Kara in the conference room.

"The problem, Kara. . .is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need, because someone in this office is coming up with all this ridiculous stuff." Brainy tells her before starting to list the 'diseases'.

"Count Choculitis." 

"Sounds tough." Kara says,

"Why did you write that down, Kara? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?"

"Do you?" She asks him,

"I think you need to confess. The fact-"

"Mm-hmm. Yep." Kara says getting up,

"What are you doing?" Brainy asks as she takes the keys to the room.

"What?"

"Those are my keys."

"Good luck." Kara says before starting to close and lock the door.

"Wha-Kara! Damn It! No! Kara, let me out! Kara!" He yells as she tosses the keys and sits back in her desk chair.

"Kara Danvers." She says as she answers her desk phone.

"Let me out." Brainy says,

"Who is this?" Kara says with a smile

"Let me out or you're fired."

"No. You can't fire me."

"Yes, I can. I'm manager for the day."

"Mm-hmm."

"Clean out your desk." 

"Okay. Can you hold on one second? I'm getting a, uh, beep." Kara says as she gets another call.

"Kara Danvers."

"Hey, Kara, it's Lena." Lena says from her desk,

"Hey, Lena. How are ya?"

"Kara, open the door!" Brainy yells again,

"Good, how are you? Are you busy?" Lena asks her.

"I'm doing okay. Gettin' excited for the weekend, though."

"Yeah."

"Yeah, what are you up to?"

"Um, I'm not bothering you, am I?" Lena asks,

"No, not at all."

"You don't have anything you're doing?"

"I have nothing to do."

"Oh, great."

"Kara!" Brainy is yelling again tapping on the window of the conference room repeatedly.

"Um, yeah, no, this weekend, nothing. I'm not really doing anything." Lena says into the phone,

"Kara!" He yells again still tapping,

"Might go to the mall." Lena tells her.

"The mall."

"I need new shoes." Lena says starting to laugh,

"Oh, interesting. What kind of shoes?" 

________

"Hello?" Mercy says answering the phone,

"Uh, hello, uh. . .this is Querl Dox calling for Mercy Graves-Gould." Brainy says into the phone.

"This is Mercy." She answers.

"Hi, Querl Dox calling, acting manager, Scranton branch. Listen, I needed your permission to fire Kara Danvers." Brainy tells her,

"Who is this?"

"Querl Dox."

"From sales?" She asks even more confused than before,

"Well-"

"Where's J'onn J'onzz?" Mercy asks,

"Uh, he is not here right now. He put me in charge of the office." Brainy tells her,

"Querl, listen to me very carefully. You are not a manager of anything, understand?" She tells him,

"That's not entirely true, because he put me in charge of picking a healthcare plan." Brainy tells Mercy.

"Really?! Okay. When J'onn gets back, you tell him to call me immediately." She tells him.

"Call you immediatley. Good."

"Yes."

"Oh, hey, listen. Um, since I have you on the phone, um. . .can I fire Kara?" He asks again

"No. Please, don't ever use my cell phone ever again." She tells him,

"Oh, this is your-I thought this was your-"

Then she hangs up the phone.

________

"Hey, hey, everybody." J'onn says walking back into the office with 2 plastic bags.

"Ice cream sandwiches! Ahh!" He says before passing them out,

"Here you go. Take on, take one. It's all good. Cat, think fast!" He says before throwing one in Cat's direction.

"Oh, oh, I see Nia. Right? Nia, wahh!" He says throwing one at her.

"Hey, temp. Why don't you take two? Because you don't get healthcare and, uh faster metabolism." He says giving 2 to Oliver.

"Did you get the kind with the cookies instead of the-" Oliver asks,

"Why don't you just eat it, okay? And here you go, Quentin the man." He says handing one to Quentin.

"Oh, thanks." He says taking it,

"There you go."

"This isn't the big surprise, is it? Because we've been having a pretty horrible day." He says looking at the ice cream sandwich.

"Uh. . .nope. Nope. This isn't the surprise. It's surprising, um, because you didn't expect it. But you will-you'll know it when you see it." He tells Quentin, tossing one in Mick's direction.

"J'onn! J'onn!" Brainy yells tapping on the window,

"Oh, for Chrissakes." He says before going into his office and closing the door. 

Kara then turns her chair towards Brainy at the window and throws her ice cream sandwich at him."

____

"I tried being rational. Okay? And what happened?" Brainy says to the camera,

"The employees went crazy. I got no help from corporate. So that leaves me with no options."

____

"I'm now gonna read aloud your submitted medical conditions." Brainy says to everyone in the conference room.

"When you hear yours read, please raise your hand to indicate that it is real. If you do not raise your hand, it will not be covered." Brainy says to everyone,

"What about confidentiality?" Quentin says raising his hand, 

"You know what? You have forfeited that privilege. I have tried to treat you all as adults, but obviously, I am the only adult here." He says to everyone,

"Number one. Inverted penis."

Everyone is silent for a couple seconds,

"Could you mean vagina? Because if you do, I want that covered." Rhea says raising her hand.

"I thought your vagina was removed during your hysterectomy." Brainy tells her,

"The uterus is different from a vagina. I still have a vagina."

________

"Okay. Great. Dermatitis. Thank you, Nia. I'll make sure that's covered." Brainy says writing it down,

"Okay, now, who wrote this-this hysterical one? Anal fissures." He says,

"That's a real thing." Mick says,

"Yeah, but no one here has it." Brainy replies,

"Someone has it." Mick says looking awkwardly at the camera.

________

Everyone is waiting in their jackets ready to leave for J'onn to come out of his office,

"You think we should go?" Mick asks Alex,

"I don't know, Mick. I mean, this is important. I don't want-There he is." Alex says looking at J'onn peaking through the blinds of his office.

"Well?" Alex asks him when he comes out of his office finally.

"Well, what? You could be referring to anything." He tells her,

"Okay. The healthcare plan." She tells him,

"Why did you put Brainy in charge of that? He did a horrible job." Lena tells him,

"Uh, Brainy? Did you raise benefits?" J'onn asks him,

"I most certainly did not." He answers.

"Oh, come on! That's horrible. Thanks, Brainy, for a crappy plan. Damn!" J'onn says faking anger.

"Ohh! Mm! I wish I had time to change it, but-Mercy needs it by 5:00, and-What time is it, what time is it?" He says checking his watch,

"Oh, it's after 5:00. I-Oh-Oh, its awful! So, well. . .Okay. See you guys, uh, on Monday." J'onn says about to go back in his office to get his jacket and things.

"What about the surprise?" Nia asks him,

"Oh, yes. Exactly. Thank you, Nia, for reminding me. Terrific. Um. . .Before I tell everybody what the big surprise is, would you like to tell me what you think the big surprise is?" J'onn asks everyone.

"We all think you don't have a surprise." Quentin tells J'onn,

"All right. I have some news for ya. There is a big surprise. And. . .Here it is. Here we go. And. . . The big surpise is. . ." He then starts doing a drum roll noise,

"Drum roll!" He continues the noise before stoping and not knowing what to say.

____

"When I am backed into a corner, that is when I come alive." J'onn tells the camera.

"See, I learned improv from the greats, like, um. . .Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles."

____

"Yeah! Ahh! This-" Before he stops and doesn't know what to say before everyone starts getting up and leaving.

____

"Robin Williams. Oh, man, would I love to go head-to-head with him."

"Oh ho ho! That would be exciting." J'onn says,

"Ah, oh, I'm Mork from Ork. Well, I'm- I'm Bork from Smork. Nanoo nanoo. Jibbly bloo bloo!"

____

J'onn is still trying to figure out a surprise to come up with. While everyone else starts to leave, and then Kara angrily picks up her bag and leaves. Until everyone is gone except for him and Brainy.

"Oh, um. . .Mercy wants you to call her." Brainy tells J'onn.


End file.
